Top 10 Things I’m Going to do WHEN I Win the Lottery Tonight

Inspired by Nixie's post of the first 10 things she plans to do when she wins the majorly ridiculously large jackpot in the lottery tonight, I've decided to come up with a list of my own. So Nixie, I hope you don't mind sharing the jackpot with me. 

I thought this would be easier than it is but here goes...

1. Erase all debt for me and my family. Literally the first check I'd cut would be to pay off my parent's house for them and put 2 new cars in the driveway. It's a short list of things I wouldn't do to erase their worries. I'd invest heavily in some pervious concrete. I'd also set up a college fund for the nephew. Thankfully I don't have a ton of debt, but I'd pay off all of what I do have. 

2. I'd sell my house and buy a nice one closer to the city. Not a HUGE one, but a nice one. With a fenced in yard and white trim. And then I'd buy one just a few blocks away for my brother and nephew.

3. I'd probably get another car. Honestly, I really love my little Saturn but I'd could go for a fun car. I'm not sure what that is (this makes me feel old, as 9th grade Angie always had a dream car in mind! Maybe I'd make 9th grade Angie's dreams and get her that Hennessy Venom Viper she was always talking about...)

4. I'd take my dad to Texas for all of high school football season, my brother to Amsterdam when the tulips are in bloom and my mom  New York City to see musicals til her heart's content.

5. I'd buy season tickets to the Brewers and Packers for me and all my fam for the rest of our lives. And I'd see if I could pay Aaron Rodgers to marry me. (worth a try, no?)

6. I'd get a condo downtown Minneapolis so I could go up there and stay whenever I wanted. And let my friends use it when I'm not around.

7. I'd quit my job and find a hundred million charities and organizations to devote my time to. I'd fill as much time as I do now with work with helping people and reasons I'm passionate about. Maybe I'd even go back to coaching? (I said MAYBE!)

8. Travel, travel, travel.

9. HELLO SHOPPING. Clothes, furniture, decorations, presents, presents, presents for everyone and their mother.

10. Put it away. Find someone who knows what the hell they're doing with money and have them tell me what to do with it all. Yes, this is last on the list. I think with a jackpot this size, I'll be safe. 

So be nice now, I'll remember it when I'm rolling around in money. (Literally, that would be number 9.5.)

Overwhelmed Part II.

This portion of why Angie is so freaking happy starts out on Twitter but quickly moves on past it. So bear with me for 2.5 seconds while I intro this and then we'll move on to non-Twitter related things. 

See over the past couple years I have seen a handful of the people I follow in the Milwaukee area tweet about Team Challenge. Raising funds, awareness, and talk of general merriment of the organization, the race, and the overall experience. Then I made the mistake of telling two of these people that the idea of Team Challenge intrigued me. 

Flash forward to present time where I am currently raising funds, awareness and talk of general merriment of Team Challenge. Annie has been doing this for a while. She started as a participant and is now our fearless Running Coach for the Milwaukee team. She's all kinds of awesome, I've admired her since about day 1 of following her on Twitter and was beyond excited when she pushed me to register for it myself. Also enter Nicole, my mentor. Second verse, same as the first. We've pretty much been BFF since I started following her on Twitter, then we went and sealed the deal when we joined a book club together and exchanged phone numbers (which made it officially official.) And then I saw her three times in one week, NBD.

Last week we had our kick-off to the season and our first practice. I was able to meet the rest of my team (What up Team Newbies!), other participants, and learn more about this fabulous cause we're coming together for. Everyone said once you started telling people about what you're doing you'd be surprised how many people are affected by Chron's and Colitis...and they weren't lying. It's been amazing to hear everyone's personal stories of these so-much-more-common-than-you-think diseases. At our first practice, our team's hero, Katie, was there to cheer us on (her story is insane and after being diagnosed with Chron's her immune system became so weak she was later diagnosed with Tuberculosis) and we took our first steps as a team. I remember clearly thinking at one point... that I'd probably die if I tried to run it. Then I remember clearly thinking, obviously at a very different point, if I didn't try this now when would I? So when my coach Darrell stopped to talk to me about my "plan" I told him I wanted to run at least part of it. I also told him, I'd need him to push me as I will want to quit a hundred times and likely bitch louder and whinier than he's ever heard in his life. He promised he wouldn't let me (this will be a challenge for both of us, I guarantee it.) 

But we talked and let me tell you, he does in fact know his shit. He convinced me I could do this, that I'd start slow and we'd eventually get there. So I slowly jogged my ass around that track, not once, or twice, but three whole times. I walked in between and convinced myself I wouldn't die and then I ran again. And when I left? I was on cloud nine. Ridiculously proud of myself for running one lap (albeit three times) around that silly track. And the best part? I'm challenging myself to run a half marathon while raising money for so many people affected with these rotten diseases. How is this anything but a win-win situation? 

If you'd like to know more about the cause, the foundation, or pitch in a little money towards my goal - please visit my fundraising page (this will most definitely not be the last time you hear about my fundraising page...unless you all manage to get me to my goal ASAP in which case I will in fact shut up about it. So there's your incentive!)

Two other requests: 

1) Please list any creative / unique / super successful fundraising ideas / tips you may have in the comments section. I'm collecting any and all ideas!

2) Pass this on, share with your friends, tell people about what I'm doing. Feel free to talk incessantly about your friend Angie who's raising money for Team Challenge! 

Overwhelmed.

I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed, 

but can you ever just be whelmed?

-10 Things I Hate About You

I have been a bad blogger. It has been longer than I care to admit since I put even a single word on this blog. Honestly I've thought about writing a couple times but my mind became all crazy and I couldn't pick one thing to talk about because there seemed like so many things to say so instead I just didn't say anything. And as long as I'm being honest, I'm okay with that. I tend to speak before thinking on occasion so this is a good thing.  A little waiting period. That said, this post will likely open the flood gates and I'll have a couple good ones coming out of it all. Now watch as I tie this whole damn thing full circle. 

First, the reason I haven't been posting lately. It kind of gives me a little knot in my stomach just thinking about typing it because I'm scared I'll jinx it. I have been so fucking happy I can hardly find words to do it justice. (Yes, the fuck was necessary there. Sometimes when I can't find appropriate grown up words, I substitute with profanity. But unless you're new here, you already knew that.)  At first I thought maybe it was like a little fluke. Had a good day followed by a good night. Woke up on Saturday and realized I had had a whole week of good days. Went to bed on Sunday and realized that was a killer weekend. And then it just didn't stop. Days went by, weeks went by and then before I knew it months had gone by and I am still happy. And not just NOT sad, I'm over the moon, annoy the piss out of passerbyers because there's such an obnoxious bounce in my step happy. Honestly? There are times I've annoyed myself with how happy I am. And here's the icing on the happiness cake? I did it. I'm not happy because there's a man in my life showering me with gifts (not that I'd turn it down!), or because I stumbled across $20 on the ground. I'm happy because I've put myself first and I've made sure all the things I'm doing, all the people and events in my life that receive my time and effort are worthy of it and make me equally happy in return. I've pushed myself outside of my boundaries to help figure out what I want and when and where I want things in life. 

I have always been happy in my life, but I am feeling now like I had no idea what that was. I realize it's possible to be whelmed and I might have been just living in the "whelmed" category and now I'm overwhelmed. With happiness, with good people, with great experiences, with all good solid things. 

One of the providers of those things...is Twitter. I know I've mentioned maybe once or twice my love for Twitter. And I know those of you who "get it" are all nodding your heads in agreement each time I do. And those of you who admittedly don't "get it" are all, "OH MY GOD. She's talking about that stupid tweeter thing again. MAKE IT STOP." If you fall into the latter category, you might want to gloss over this because, NO I WILL NOT STOP. So here goes, one thing that's contributing to my overwhelmed status. 

Twitter serves as many things. It connects companies to their customers. It allows industry experts to share knowledge. It gives organizations a voice to provide exposure through. It connects people. In the last few months, I have felt ridiculously connected to strangers through Twitter. And not just talking to them occasionally. I have made friends. Good friends. Friends who I have been able to sit and share and converse with for hours at a time. Friends who have introduced me to new things, places and challenges. This is where I start to feel a little spoiled. It's not as if I'm just learning what it's like to have good friends. I have some of the best friends a person could possibly ever ask for. So you can see how I am feeling like I'm hoarding all the good people out there. 

I have found a mentor / coach who will motivate me to possibly run a half marathon and she convinced me over a quick lunch. I have connected with a friend of friends who shares a love for Debra Messing and our affinity towards being a little crazy on occasion. I joined a book club full of women who make me laugh until I cry and can't breath. I met a complete stranger for a happy hour and then saw her two more times the next week and bonded over living essentially the same life, and then over the Hunger Games, and then over a new church. I met a new friend who "gets" me and inspires me and makes me laugh until they move all other restaurant patrons because we clearly have all the fun in all the land. I've decided to marry one of the three Rodgers boys with a friend who makes me laugh at least once a week with fratboy talk of our favorite QB. And to tie in my opening quote (from another favorite 90's movie), I found a group of people who love Can't Hardly Wait as much as I do and turned a night of quoting the movie to each other on Twitter into an organized activity...with nachos. And those are just the people I've met in person. There's literally hundreds of other people who I've connected with at one point or another. 

I know this doesn't work for everyone. Some people don't like the idea of strangers. Some people probably think it's a bunch of shit and it's crazy. And that's okay. It's not for everyone. 

But I can say this with the utmost confidence in the world, it's for me. And it has changed the way I look at things. It has made me more open minded. Feel more supported. Be far more entertained. Take more risks. And feel connected to people all over the place. My life that was wonderful before has been made even more wonderful by the amazing people I have met and the friendships I have just started building with them. And I'm more blessed than I can find words to describe and thankful that those people were put in my life at exactly the right time. 

So I guess in a "nutshell" (the longest, largest nutshell ever), that's why I like Twitter. 

Houston Part II

When I last left you, we were at Amy's and ready to head on out to the pre-rodeo party. From the minute I stepped off the plane in Houston, I knew one thing for certain, Houston takes its rodeo very seriously. (There's an exhibit dedicated to it in the airport.) And I also knew one other thing, a rodeo party likely meant cowboys...or at least men dressed like cowboys. Which if we're being honest is perfectly fine by me. I mean I like the way cowboys look but actually dating a man who's career is a cowboy? I'm not sure. (Although, and this is another post to come, I just started reading this book and I'll tell ya, she makes the Marlboro Man sound pretty freaking perfect.)

So anyway, after a short (and very windy) cab ride, we were there.  I'm not even entirely sure I can do justice to the party itself. 

 State Fair-esque in the front.

Sae attempting to read the most confusing map ever created.

 

 It was kind of like state fair...but less food. Lots of carnival rides. The whole thing is make up of giant tents full of food, booze and music. The strange part is that they're all private parties. So you can have access to the few food tents, the free BBQ which was a little sketchy at best, and the rides. The rest of the fun was behind closed doors  ropes protected by bouncers. And you had to have credentials to get in. So instead we decided to check out the live music at the main stage. Nothing like a little country music to get you in the mood for some rodeo right? Not quite. It was a somewhat questionable "rock" band? Mostly screaming, a little yelling and occasionally some singing. However, never to let our night be ruined, we made the very best of it. Drank our beers, scored some free coozies, and checked out the free eye candy (which beat out the free BBQ by a million.) 

 Tried to get the Ferris Wheel in the pic. Note: Amy's Coozie. 

 

Enjoying Sae's $10 hamburger with cheese off a construction cone. 

 

 It was humid and windy and we knew our hair was going to hell quickly. 

But alas, our fun had peaked and we were ready to move the party on. Which is where we ended up at quite possibly my favorite point of the vacation. At least the top 3 for sure. I'm calling it a Honky Tonk though I'm not sure it's a legit honky tonk. But hailing from Wisconsin, it's as close as I've been. Big open dance floor, small bar in the corner, wood every where and of course a mechanical bull. And I was in heaven. Or so I thought. And then, things just kept getting better. 

 

 Before we had gentlemen to dance with Sae did her best at leading me.

 Learned a new line dance! Which we'd later break out in a gift shop in Kemah. 

We met a group of gentleman from Louisiana. They broke the ice by telling us about alligator hunting. Seriously. When we moved to the dance floor area to have a seat, they followed us down. And then shit got downright awesome. One of them, possibly the drunkest of them all, whistled in our direction. Typically, not a fan, but he somehow pulled it off quite well. A few of them asked us to dance. For the most part my experience in dancing with boys is somewhere in the wheelhouse of 8th grade dancing. Hands on shoulders, his on my hips. Commence swaying back and forth in one direction, sometimes in circles if he was a confident dancer. 

Please note the gentleman on the left is spinning Kat. They knew what they were doing.

That is NOT how this went. Ladies, I am here to tell you that there is such a thing as men LEADING you on a dance floor. And when they know how to dance, you don't have to. And they make you look good. And it's every bit as awesome as you think. Also, it's just as romantic (not something I expected to say about a place with a mechanical bull and a coors light in a coozie kind of night.) And then? When you think you're living in an urban myth? They THANK you for the dance. I know, I know. Just take a minute. Let it sink in. 

 Few things to point out: This was one of the "worst" of the dancers and I still had fun. 

Secondly, the guy on the left is the alligator wrestler himself. 

Who we later learned was 22. 

We felt a tid bit old. But hot. Like hot older women?

Every time we sat down, they jumped up to ask us to dance. We pretty much all rotated through the group. Sometimes they were really good dancers. Sometimes they weren't so much. For the most part Sae took one for the team and soaked up the bad ones. She's a team player, that one. 

 This guy WAS the worst dancer. And look at what a champ Sae was. 

This also could have been right after they discussed he was IN school and she TEACHES at a school.

We were literally enamored watching them dance. There was another guy there who we don't have any pictures of who could MOVE. He  could offer lessons in dancing. He was amazing and I was smitten. We seriously just watched him, jaw on the floor, staring. Come to think of it, we were those girls...but didn't care one single bit. 

Looks like I'll split Houston into 3 posts. I should have anticipated the longest post being about this night. I'm still living it in my dreams. Oh you southern men, you've got me hooked. 

Eleven.

I have a part two of the Houston re-cap to write and I have a few other posts I was thinking of this week, but instead on this Friday afternoon, I'm totally phoning it in and taking advantage of the fact that Kim posted this on her blog and it seems like an easy post without much thought. Plus, high school Angie always did love a good chain e-mail questionnaire*. So here goes..

1. Of all the places you’ve ever visited, what was your favorite? This is impossible. I have a list of places I love and want to return to, all for different reasons. But if I absolutely must choose, I'd say Disney World. a) because I'm really just a big kid and b) because I have had more fun there as an adult than most kids have when they visit. Many fond memories of Disney World and am aching to go back soon.
2. E-Reader or real book? Why? I got a Kindle for Christmas and I'm in love. I've read more in the last 3 months that I did almost all of last year and while I know I can't prove it, I swear I read faster.
3. What is your favorite book and why? My absolute favorite book will forever be "The Monster at the End of this Book". Yes, a Sesame Street book featuring Grover. My mom kills it at reading this book. It reminds me of my Grandma's house, she had a copy there and my mom would read it to me before tucking me in when we'd stay there. Now we have a copy of it at my mom's house to read to my nephew. He knows exactly what tone to use on every page and it's all because of mom's all-star story telling skills. That book makes me smile.
4. What scares you? So you're asking for just one thing here? I've banned myself from watching Law & Order: SVU because I've already been freaked out by everything that's happened on that show in my mind and I certainly don't need to learn how they criminals ACTUALLY do it. So the short list is...the dark, scary movies, losing my loved ones and divorce. (The slightly longer & more ridiculous list includes: running up my stairs when I've already turned the lights out below me, having to close my eyes while washing my hair in the shower - opportune time for a strangler to come in, obviously - getting into my car when it's dark out & thinking someone is in the back seat. I'm neurotic, this I know.)
5. What’s your favorite mealtime (breakfast, lunch or dinner)? Dinner. Day's over, I get to relax when it's all said and done and it's usually the most delicious of them all.
6. On what do you spend the most money (necessities don’t count! I don’t want to read answers like, “rent/mortgage” or “food”. I want to read about your extensive taxidermy collection.) I've become far more frugal than I used to be. Aside from the bills there isn't really one major source that drains my income. But if I had to choose one it's probably skincare / make-up. You totally get what you pay for and I pay a lot for what I get.
7. What is your favorite physical attribute? Eyes, on myself and on others.
8. What physical attribute are you most attracted to? Besides eyes, I am a sucker for a tall man. Tall men are my kryptonite.
9. What is your dream job? Being a mom. Even if I work for the rest of my life, I hope eventually to be a mom and that'll be my number one priority no matter what my career is.
10. Morning person or night owl? OMG. Is there a neither option? I'm essentially 106 years old. I HATE mornings. I'm the worst (really, ask my mom). I snooze for hours, I always ask for 5 more minutes (even if it's just me). I need about an hour and a good dose of caffeine before it's safe to talk to me. So I guess in that sense I'm a night owl, but really I'm not that either because I rarely stay up crazy late. I'm a day bird. How about that?
11. Isn’t my baby the cutest? (seriously – isn’t she?) Kim's baby really is cute - though I could be slightly biased as I have a general opinion that half Asian babies are always adorable.

And in the laziest of forms, I'm not even going to create my own questions. You can just use these if you so choose :) Happy Friday!

*this is ironic given the fact that I am actually incapable of EVER choosing one thing, one favorite, etc. I'm the wordiest survey taker ever.

Y'all Have a Good Trip?

Boy did we! Although it feels like it was WEEKS ago that we were on our wonderful Houston trip to visit Amy, it was only a matter of days ago. I can't believe the trip I had looked forward to for so long has already come and gone, but in an effort to relive such a fantastic time, I shall recap it for you. To keep this from being the longest novel of a post in the world, I've broken it up some. You'll get Day 1 and part of 2 here.

First let's just start the trip at 9:00 the night before we're supposed to leave when Sae and I, while hashing through what we've packed, discover we have in fact booked flights into two different airports in Houston. Good thing we worked so hard to book our flights within a half hour of each other so we'd be easy to pick up and drop off. It was only when I called Amy to say, "Who knew Houston has two airports?!" that she informed me, they actually have three. Now that's just downright confusing! And naturally, the airports are a good 35 minutes away from each other....without traffic. Whoopsies. All's well that ends well though. We managed to do a little moving around of the plan and it worked out.

Day One

We both landed safely and for the most part pretty much on schedule. And we were off! I have to say without a doubt my favorite part of a vacation like this is never having to look at a clock. Almost the entire time we were there, we had absolutely zero concern about what time of day it was. That is when you truly know you're on vacation.  The only time we tried to make a plan was with an attempt to make it to a brewery beer tasting and when we failed at that, we improvised at home. (And it was probably more successful. Amy's Refrigerator Brewery Tour for the win.)

What Amy referred to as a "pretty impressive collection" for a bunch of girls. 

We started our trip with a little walk around Hermann Park. There were a ton of animals for me to fall in love with, including a tailless squirrel (which is my new favorite kind of squirrel). We walked throughout the park and then plopped down for some good ol' fashioned girl talk. Something we had all become quite accustomed to after living with 44 girls for many years of our lives. 

 

Our first picture together in Houston! 

The weather was absolutely amazing, we were in flip flops and rolled up our jeans because it was THAT hot out. Sae & I were in heaven and I think Amy was in a long sleeved shirt. (We've advised she needs to start re-acclimating to "the North" or she may freeze to death when she comes back.)

We moved from the hill at Hermann Park to the Flying Saucer for a little Happy Hour fun downtown. They have a ridiculous number of beers on tap and decent food & drink HH specials. I tried my first Black Velvet (cider & Guinness), we split a giant pretzel with our beer and enjoyed a little outdoor patio drinking. 

Happy Hour at the Flying Saucer 

 

What vacation wouldn't be complete without a trip to Target? Never one to turn town a trip to my mecca, we stopped quickly to grab a few things and went home to change, get ready and head on out for the night. Night one included a trip to Ibiza for some small plate international dining, where I discovered I could give up my "nothing from the water" rule for Lobster Risotto and Crab Bisque. Now I know why you've all been telling me I'm crazy for years. Those sea critters are delicious. Also, this marks the first meal that the plastic animals from Chino made an appearance! 

 My "happy place" involves a wall o' wine like this.

 

These animals live in my clutch since our visit to Chino and 

will make appearances many times to come. 

 

I'm fairly certain we annoyed our server, out lasted almost all other diners, and laughed slightly too loud for a place with white tablecloths. (Oh wait, that last part was probably just me.) We moved down the street to Howl at the Moon, a dueling piano bar where for one single dollar I was able to get the bartender to play "F*ck Her Gently" by Tenacious D for me. One of my all time favorite songs ever. He did, but then also insisted on referring to us as the "dirty girls at the table in the back" for the rest of the night. 

Serenading the "dirty girls in the back" with a tune. 

We stopped at another bar on the way home but if I'm being honest, I can't remember the name of it. I do know that one man thought he had purchased me and could then sell me and we met a man with a dog he claimed to have just adopted the day before. We all agreed he had to be lying, but apparently with a puppy and a southern accent you can tell a bunch of girls from "up north" just about anything and we'll stick around to listen to your story (for over an hour.) We then had a very special experience with a cab driver who was bat shit crazy, drove around with rugs and pillows in the back of the cab and completely ignored directions. Only to yell at us upon (finally) arriving at our destination for not telling him a faster way to get there. Ah, good times crazy cab driver, now unlock the doors and let us out.

 

Day Two

We started day two with a lovely breakfast at a slightly overwhelming cafe. The women kept barking orders at Sae and I and I'm pretty sure we were bullied into making a decision. It ended up being delicious but not without a little fear first. We shopped around Rice Village for the morning (and part of the afternoon). Located just 2 blocks from Rice University it's an adorable collection of small boutiques as well as chain stores and touts itself as one of Houston's oldest and best loved shopping destinations since the 1930's. Our trip included 2 stops (and two separate purchases) at the Gap (three stops if you include Amy being the best friend in the world and going back the next week to pick up the scarf I couldn't make a damn decision about buying, only to find out they don't have it here anymore!) I became a believer in Gap underwear, Sae got an adorable belt and necklace and Amy tried on adorable dresses for Mexico. Another thing I miss from college, living with built-in shopping buddies. Our shopping excursion is what held us up from making it to the brewery tour but again, we were quite flexible with our schedule. 

We eventually meandered back to Amy's to get ready for what would be the highlight night of my trip to Texas. The pre-rodeo party and a visit to a good ol' Honky Tonk. Be still my cowboy loving heart.

Impromptu beer tasting and pre-gaming before we left for the night. 

Stay tuned for tomorrow's re-cap of Night Two and Day Three. 

Spree Me.

I've talked about the Polyphonic Spree before on this blog. I love them. I can remember so vividly the first time I heard them. I had just gone through one of the first epic break ups of my life. My boyfriend at the time had not only cheated on me but lied and essentially drug our relationship through the mud. Only after this did I find out he had told all his friends I was sleeping with his best friend and roommate so they would be angry with me and not tell me about the new girlfriend he'd had before we broke up. (Do I know how to choose them or what?!) I was home from school and my brother and I had met for lunch in Delafield. He told me he had the perfect song for me and he was right (he ALWAYS is about this). He played "Hold Me Now" by the Polyphonic Spree. And I cried my eyes out. I listened to it about a hundred times in a row. To this day it is still one of my go to songs on a bad day or when life has given me one too many lemons. (It was also this day that he introduced me to "Hajimemeshite" by Umphree's McGee. Another one of my go to's on a rough one.)

Shortly after he introduced me to this song they were making a stop in Milwaukee. He was nice enough to let me tag along with his friends to the show. I was excited but had no idea what I was in for. The Spree is a collection of about 15 people on stage. They've got one of every instrument imaginable and a small choir. They all sing and dance. They make you FEEL good. I remember vividly the first time I saw them. We made our way towards the stage right in time for Hold Me Now. Confetti flew, Tim walked out through the crowd, the entire place blew up with everyone belting it out at the top of their lungs.

Hold me now.
Don’t start shaking.
You keep me safe.
Don't ever think you're the only one
when times are tough in your new age.

Source

 

I remember thinking at that exact moment that it was a moment in time I would never ever forget. I was insanely overwhelmed by how good I felt (and wasn't under the influence of anything other than music). I am beyond excited to see them again and highly suggest anyone in the area to make sure you make it to this show. I can try my hardest to put into words how literally AWEsome the experience is, but there's just nothing to do it justice. It's $20 and you'll be mesmerized the entire time. 

 Source

*Yes, sometimes they perform in robes. Okay all the time. But they're not a cult. I swear, just a little quirky.

Thankful.

Say yes we live uncertainty
And disappointments have to be
And everyday we might be facing more
And yes we live in desperate times
But fading words and shaking rhymes
There’s only one thing here worth hoping for
With Lucifer beneath you and God above
If either one of them asks you what your living of
Say love, say for me love

I swear, I am going to go do a Houston re-cap post. I have pictures now and will write that soon. But in the mean time we have this.

My brain was on overdrive this weekend. I'm not exactly sure what caused it. I had a relaxing weekend with very little plans planned and maybe the time alone to think started it. I watched 50/50 on Friday night (and drank a bottle of wine) so perhaps that sparked some of it. I started talking to a new stranger friend,  and much of the "get to know" you conversation makes you think about life. My brother lost a close friend from an overdose on Sunday and that threw all the previous thoughts of the weekend into this crazy amplified arena. So here we are on Monday and I need to put all these thoughts somewhere. They might not all make sense together and most of them happened at random points throughout the course of the last 60+ hours. Also, I feel like I have to knock on wood throughout this WHOLE DAMN POST because it feels like I'm jinxing stuff. So if you don't mind, before you read on, can you give a little extra knock for me?

I am happy. I've shared this a couple times over the last few weeks in various posts. But it's been creeping up on me and I've been a little leery of screaming it from the rooftops. (Like if you admit to seeing it happiness will just run away??) I finally admitted it out loud to my friend Siobhan on Saturday night. I'm always, generally speaking, a happy person. But I have actually stopped what I'm doing on numerous occasions in the last few months and been taken aback by just how happy I am. Things are awesome, I'm blessed and lucky. And the fact that I've made it happen on my own (of course with a hell of a supporting cast) is just icing on the happiness cake. 

Healthy and here. My family has faced some wicked hardships in the past couple years. (Though, I clearly get my happy tendencies and overall smiley nature from my parents because you sure as hell wouldn't guess it from interacting with them!) I know things have taken their toll and on occasion we've gotten down. But what really matters is that we're all healthy and we're all here. As long as that remains, we're capable of facing the rest. Words can't do justice to how thankful I am about that.

Life is fragile.  My brother lost a close friend this weekend to an overdose. No one saw it coming, no one even knew he was using what he was. It hit me hard for a number of reasons. 1) he was my brother's age. I can't imagine living life without my brother and it completely overwhelmed me to even consider it. 24 is too young to die no matter the circumstances. 2) I hate seeing my brother sad. I'm a complete crybaby and everyone knows that. Tears form almost immediately when I see anyone cry ever. But when my brother is sad it rips at my heart in a way that I can't even describe. 3) It scares me that people can have such deep secrets and hardships without anyone every knowing. 

You just never know. You don't know what other people are facing, so be nice to everyone. Nothing is guaranteed so make sure everyone you love knows you feel that way. Hug a little longer and talk more often. Put aside petty things now while you can and not when it's too late. We don't get forever so take advantage of what we are given. Be thankful for what you have, don't focus on the have nots. Enjoy the people who make your life better and spend less time and effort on those who don't.