Snowmageddon 2012

As per usual, in the Midwest and specifically Wisconsin, we like to throw big ol' "HOLY FUCK THE WORLD IS ENDING" fits when the first be snowfall happens each year. Weatherman get all crazy warning us of the feet of snow we're about to be pelted with and it's all everyone and their mother can talk about for DAYS leading up to it. As if it's the first time we've ever had it happen and we're all OMG WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!? (Answer: the same thing we've done since the beginning of Wisconsin time, we'll bitch about it, over exaggerate what's coming, talk about how it isn't nearly as bad as we expected, shovel a bunch and get on with it.)

Typically these snowmageddon type madness has already long come and gone by January and we're all settled in comfortably to remembering this is winter in Wisconsin and trucking along. Until March that is, when we all go bat shit stir crazy from being snowed into our houses and the snow is all black and gross and totally lost its appeal.

Well last night we were in SNOMG full force. (I know, all the names Snowpocolypse, Snowmageddon, SNOMG, they're terrible but I love them dearly.) I had a networking meeting after work that I needed to be at because I was helping run the thing. I spent pretty much all day looking out the window freaking out because of the snow coming down and the shit conditions of the road. Here's the thing, I don't mind snow. In fact, as long as I don't have to drive in it, I kind of like it. But ever since I damn near totaled my Jeep in college due to some rain that turned ice in a matter of 4 minutes and I slid across 3 lanes of freeway only to be stopped by a cement median at 6:00 in the morning, I'm a little skiddish to drive on bad roads (and little is an extreme understatement. I want to cry about it just thinking of it.)

But last night I ventured out for the treacherous drive home from Milwaukee to Waukesha at 7:00 p.m. My silver lining was that since it was later, the roads wouldn't be bumper to bumper and should have been pretty well cleared by the time I was on them. NOT the case. You know how when you know a snowfall is going to last a long time figure, "meh, might as well wait for it to finish so I don't have to shovel twice!"?* Yes, it is my understanding all plows in the ENTIRE city of Milwaukee had that thought process last night. It was as if the roads had been untouched by salt or the edge of a plow EVER. I basically slid all 20 miles home. BUT, I made it. I likely shaved 3 years off the end of my life from stress, but really, how much fun was I going to have in those last 3 years anyway?

*Let's be honest, I have heard people have this thought process. Save for the maybe the one time in college where snow fell on the unlikely date my name was on the calendar the last time I picked up a shovel was for fun when I was a kid "helping" my dad (and by "help" I of course mean "making a bigger mess and slowing down his progress.") I have snow elves (read: a landscaping company I pay for via my condo dues) who come and remove any and all snow on any pathways my feet or tires might hit between my front door and the road. And I intend to stay there until I have a husband who is required by vows to shovel for me. That's how it works, no?