Comfortable.

I'm on a John Mayer kick lately (why, oh WHY did he have to turn so douchey?!). I have always loved his music, he's an amazing musician - seeing him live nearly blows your mind with how good he is. Plus there's a little nostalgic appeal to him because some of his songs provided the soundtrack to my high school and college years. I still rather vividly remember buying Room for Squares at Best Buy. (Side note: really brain? We can clearly remember that but there's no room for what I was talking about an hour ago?!)

So I'm sitting at my desk streaming my John Mayer station on Pandora (how did people make it through workdays before Pandora?) and the song "Comfortable" came on. First of all, this song breaks my friggin' heart. I can't even tell you. It actually hurts to listen to and if it wasn't so damn good and all romantical and such, I'd turn it off. It's like the most romantic song about a break-up ever. But I totally "get" it.

"Our love was comfortable,
so broken in."

I'm on a little bit of a negative kick about dating. (Unless you ask Kyle, Tori or my mom who I talked to yesterday when I was in a BIG negative pout-rant about dating. They'd probably dispute the "little bit of negative" claim.) I know all you people in relationships* will continue to tell me things like "Isn't it SO exciting that he's just out there somewhere? He could be anywhere?!" or "There's some awesome and super amazing man just WAITING for you!" or one of my other favorites, "You're so lucky to just be out there meeting all these people and going on all these fun dates!"

To which I say this, No it's not exciting. Where the fuck is he? and WHY THE HELL IS HE WAITING?! Finally, Lucky? Is that what we call being able to detail the most boring date in the world? Or how about the one with the married guy?! I get it, it takes time, you just have to wait, it'll happen when it's right, when I'm not looking, yup yup yup. GOT IT. And it's not that I'm DYING without a boyfriend. I actually kind of like the freedom and I love the shit out of living by myself. But dating? Not so much. I don't like it. I think that song is so romantic because I adore being in that kind of relationship. The comfortable place. Where you know the other person, like REALLY know the other person. And naturally, I like any place where you someone appreciates sweatpants.

I will LOVE dating when I'm dating one person. And we've been dating for a few months. And I know about them and their imperfections and their quirks that I think are absolute perfection. When I'm not waiting for the other shoe to drop about some stranger I know approximately 3 facts about. I love the first few dates, first kisses, meeting the friends, the families, etc. That is all beyond exciting and amazing and some of the most magical times in a relationship.

But dating strangers to find one acceptable for a second date with? Quite frankly, it blows a little bit.

*Regardless of how negative I am or what kind of pout-rant I am on, or how much I scream when "you people" say these things to me, I do appreciate them. They make me feel hope and even when I'm pissed off and angry, a little piece of me hopes you're all right!