An American Man

I already told you guys about the book "How to Love an American Man" in Monday's post.

Now my mom is reading the book and it's like I'm reliving it all over again when we talk about it. (FYI she cried through the beginning too - so it's possible it's actually that emotional of a beginning. That or I'm DEFINITELY her daughter and, as we agreed last night, neither of us has a solid grip on our ability to control tears.) I could go on and on about the book, but really you just need to read it. What I will go on about it the lessons it's struck in me and the things I'm noticing I think / observe since reading it. (Which, if you ask me, is truly the sign of a good book. One that sticks with you long after you've read the last words.)

Age = wisdom.
So often I think we're quick to disregard older generations. It's all "back in my day" and what do they know about today's world? They know a ton. They've LIVED in today's world AND yesterday's world. And they have lessons upon lessons of things they've experienced, learned, created, maintained, etc. We should be soaking up every little bit of knowledge they have. When my grandma passed away, her sister - my great Aunt Char - promised me she'd be my stand-in Grandma (since she was the last of my grandparents to pass). Occasionally I've sent cards for holidays and birthdays but I have absolutely fallen short in taking her up on this offer.

Since I read the book I've sent her 2 cards and plan to write (actually write with pen and paper) letters to her weekly. I want know everything she's learned about love and life and what it takes to be truly happy - because that woman knows happy. It shouldn't have taken a book to spark this conversation with her, but I'm glad it did.

True American Men are Rare
Obviously men from America are not rare. They're all over the damn place. But an American Man in the sense that the book describes is a rare being. Men who are passionate and respectful. Men who devote themselves to their family and their work. But the underlying message of this book doesn't place full responsibility on the man. They're rare because us ladies have let them be rare. One of my absolute favorite lines from the book is, "I teach the world how to treat me by the way I treat myself, and the way I present myself." As much as expectations are set for men to be passionate and respectful, we are equally responsible for establishing how they perceive us. If you can't treat yourself well or have respect for your character, why should they?

And of course while this sounds super serious and "high level" she references some examples...and let's just say we're likely all a bit guilty. Wasted on a first date? (Or drunk upon first meeting? We're not in college anymore, Toto.) Whoopsies. It's intimidating and daunting to think about at first. Seems like a lot of work - but you can't expect it without it being mutual - to both yourself and to each other. I know it's a little rainbows and butterflies (and seemingly kind of impossible) but even if it's not perfect, working towards it is definitely something.

And now to lighten the mood...because if my dating escapades are for nothing else but entertainment at least I've found my silver lining.

Ways to NOT be an American Man (aka ways to not get a second date):

1. How about you don't mention sex on the first date? Not expecting it or about US having sex, how long it's been since you've had sex..just don't say the word sex. AT ALL. Even if it's ALL you think about, don't use the s-word. Talk about literally anything else.
2. If I have a super busy week and can't hang out with you when you've asked, deal. I like to be busy, also I'm an obsessive compulsive planner - asking me the day of to do something? Likely not going to work out. Also, saying things like, "boy you better be worth all this work" will likely not come across as cute and joking like you may have intended.
3. I promise to work on acting more like a lady if you promise to treat me more like a lady. Ladies love a gentleman. I don't care what we've done with the woman's movement, we still like being treated like a little lady. Yes, we're all happy we can vote, but it doesn't mean you need to entirely abandon opening doors. We'll be flattered, I promise.
4. This one might be a little controversial...but it's my blog so it's my preferences that win. On the first date, I will always offer to pay - because I think I'm supposed to. Don't let me. No, in fact, insist I don't pay. I'll gladly pick up the bill for date #2 but on the first one, just pay for me. It's romantic and gentlemanly. Also, it shows me you probably have a job. (One of the few absolutes of men I date moving forward.)
5. Discussing how we'll pay the bill BEFORE THE DATE EVEN HAPPENS. I don't need you to be loaded, I can pay for my own dinner (though seriously, just buy the first meal, it'll get you a whole lot closer to a second date - see #4). But if you need to establish we'll be splitting the bill before we've established where the meal will be had? There will be no meal to split.
6. Show up on time. Maybe you've never heard it before, but you only get one chance to make a first impression. If you have a really great excuse, share it. If not, be on time. Maybe even be early.
7. Here's another one that might just be me...pick the place. Maybe even have reservations if it's a notoriously busy place. Trust me, if we move on past date #1 I will become very vocal about where I want to go, when I want to go, etc. So for the first date, take charge and pick somewhere.
8. When you do pick somewhere, make it somewhere nice. Not expensive, nice. Somewhere I haven't been three hundred times. Somewhere that does not have signs or language on the menu regarding which day of the week kids eat free. Maybe even somewhere I couldn't find in an airport. (That takes care of Chili's, T.G.I.Friday's and Applebee's...FYI.) Once again, I have nothing wrong with these places for dates #10, 11 or 12. We'll certainly hit them up at some point if we make it past #1. But make an impression. Extra points for somewhere with cloth napkins..just sayin'.

Maybe I'm being an asshole (it's always a possibility). Maybe I'm being difficult or high maintenance or whatever word you want to put on a girl demanding a little wow factor. I'm okay with that. But know this much - if it's our first date I have agonized over it. I've spent hours figuring out what outfit to wear...and then probably dollars on buying a new one. I've changed clothes multiple times, asked opinions on shoes and jewelery. I've probably spent more time on my hair and make-up than you did getting ready, driving to the place and eating. Not because I'm materialistic or high maintenance but I want to have meticulously crafted what I hope to be the best first impression I can for you. Because at some point, that first date will become "the story of our first date" and I'm going to be damn sure whoever "he" is (the "he" in that first date story) remembers just how special and amazing it was.