Monday, July 11, 2011

Tested.

"We must carry this in our hearts, that what we have is special, that it can be taken from us, and that when it is taken from us, we will be tested. We will be tested to our very souls. We will all be tested."
-Eric Taylor, Friday Night Lights

Yes, I started this post with a quote from Friday Night Lights. Yes, Eric Taylor is VERY insightful. Yes, I'd like to marry Eric Taylor. And yes, the series is ending next Friday. No, I do NOT want to talk about it.

But I did hear this quote last night (as I'm re-watching the entire first season in hopes of lessening the blow of it all being over), and I loved it. I like the idea that when things change, when something no longer goes according to plan, it is a test. And I try my hardest, to rise to the occasion and pass those tests.

Every year on my parent's anniversary, as the reflect on all those years together, my dad always responds with "Who'da thunk it?" My mom then responds with, "me. I did. When I made the vow to love you forever, I 'thunk' that we'd be celebrating X number of years together." This makes me laugh...every. single. year.

As I embark on month number 5 post break-up, I'm having a little who'da thunk moment of my own. As I walked through the Milwaukee airport (for the sixth time since April), it struck me just how much I've done since that life changing day in February. Sometimes I believe life makes events like that happen to remind you to live your life. To take advantage of what you've been given. To not get too comfortable with where you are, or at least not to the point where you forget where or who you could be. I was comfortable. I was set. I knew what my life would be for every day moving forward...and then with one brief phone conversation, I didn't.

I still don't. I have no idea where I'll be this time next year. I have no idea who I'll be with, if anyone. I don't know where I'll be living, what I'll be doing or even what I'll want to be doing. And because of this I have started taking advantage of opportunities. I have DONE STUFF. I am doing my best to pass this test. To come out of this a stronger, smarter, BETTER version of me. I know that in times like this the best thing you can do for yourself is be a little selfish. Figure out what you want, who you are and where you want to go....strictly based on YOU.

I have been to Minnesota more in the last four months than I was the entire last year. I've been to Chicago twice. I've done more new things in Milwaukee than I have in the last few years put together. I've tried new things, gone new places and opened my horizons.

I threw a frat party with some of my most responsible friends in one of the nicest houses I know. I saw plays in Chicago with my mom and drag shows in Chicago with friends. I've seen concerts of new artists in different places. I went to a wedding and didn't cry because I was alone. I taught my nephew the word douchebag on accident. I had a crush on a new man. I kissed a boy. I got over another boy. I've gotten butterflies and I've gotten angry. I've coerced a man off a roof & threw beers to another in a tree. I've had a sleepover with 10 people over the age of 25 on a basement floor. I've watched the sun come up...twice. I started drinking coffee. I kill my own bugs at home. I created new routines (Spin & Target Sundays being my favorite). I have phone chats with friends who are far away. I've read 4 books in 2 months. I've been on dates. I've started being more honest, with myself and others.

I've fought with friends. I've cried. I've laughed a LOT more. I know there's more to this test, that after this there will be more tests, but right now, I'd say I'm on track to pass.

3 comments:

  1. On track to pass??? I give you an A+!!!

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  2. I love this post. Good for you, girlfriend.

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  3. Thanks Amy! Much appreciated :)

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