Thursday, May 5, 2011

Lost in Translation.

I need to preface this post with a disclaimer. Right off the bat. I am not typically a judgmental person (if you need proof of this, take a look at some of the people I've dated in my life.) I tend to be forgiving, offer many chances, and try to look past what's glaring at me and find a deeper reason for things that are immediately off-putting. There are obviously some situational factors that will affect that forgiveness and willing to look past certain things. One of those situations is NOT online dating.

You have one chance to make a first impression. When single people get ready for a night out, they are very aware of this. You check your outfit, take one last glance in the mirror as you're heading out the door. Perhaps even check-in with your friend, "Does this look alright?!" You're concerned about the first impression you will make when you walk into a place. You're hoping you might possibly meet someone and when you do, you'd like to look put together.

This concern and care should translate over to your profile and the way you conduct yourself on an online dating site. Unfortunately, that is NOT the case, as I have been learning. I understand there are varying degrees of how seriously people take their profile. Some are just on to "see what's out there" (although I believe 90% of people on a dating website will say this phrase at one point or another. It's the universal code for "I'm not desperate, I'm just checking things out".) However, regardless of how serious you're taking it, this is your first impression people!

And now a list of tips and tricks (again, I may sound like a judgmental bitch, but really. I mean REALLY.)

  • Do not make your first attempt at communication with me sexual in nature. i.e. If I mention in my profile "I'm ready to share", don't send an e-mail that just says, "Share what?? LOL" This becomes even more disgusting when you are over 40. Oh also, if you're from a different state, sending a message saying "If you like champagne, let's pop some bottles" doesn't make sense.
  • If my MAXIMUM age range tops out at 35 and you're over 40 don't bother. You're not going to be the "one off" that I just can't turn down. There's a reason I've put a maximum age and you can assume it's probably even a few years beyond what my "ideal" is.
  • Use your keyboard correctly. I'm not asking everyone to have impeccable typing skills, however, I know you had a keyboard class at least once in school and I'm certain they showed you where the SHIFT key is. Use it. no one likes a sentence in which you use i a lot with no capitalization.
  • Those red squiggly lines on your screen mean something is spelled incorrectly. I know they don't just exist on my computer. So when you're telling me, "not to mention" and you spell it "not to menchion" I don't care how nice you are, I'm deleting your message. I will even excuse slight grammar / spelling mistakes in messages because it happens to the best of us (not "menchion", I won't excuse that), but really in your profile? That's something you're actually "publishing" and have time to review. Read it, twice. Then have a friend read it. Preferably one who can spell.
  • Put a picture up. I know this sounds ridiculous. But seriously, you want me to contact you but you won't post a picture? I assume you've got a girlfriend / are married and don't want to get busted. Consider yourself warned. Also, when choosing said picture, use one where I can see your face. 10 group photos from 15' away? Not helping. Oh, and if you're going to have a picture of you and some chick, make it just one picture of you and a chick. I can then assume she's your sister. Every picture of you with a different chick? I have a harder time believing you have 10 sisters. No girl gets excited to see you in a picture with another girl. No matter who she is. Trust me, we are territorial. We don't think, "Aw, he must have a sensitive side to have all these beautiful women in his life!" No. Most women will see competition. Stick with pictures of you and male friends.
I could go on and on and on with this...So for now I'll leave you with those tips. I'm sure many more will be coming. Rant over.

1 comment:

  1. Somewhere out there on is some poor schmuck with 10 sisters who can't find a date :(