Vicious Cycle.

As I've mentioned, I had a good chunk of my vacation time left over come the end of this year. I kept thinking I needed to save it up in case we came across a giant pile of money and needed to take a vacation. Well, go figure, we never tripped over any money, so we didn't end up taking any vacations this fall (not that I'm not appreciative of the trip to AZ, weekend trips to MN, or our one night getaway in Chicago).

So I spread it out over the month of December. Afternoon off here, Friday off there. It all culminates with the week between Christmas and New Year's Day off completely. No work...for 10 whole days. Sounds (and has been sounding since about October) glorious.

The vicious cycle comes in to play here. I took off last Friday and despite the fact that I was pretty much glued to my Blackberry from 8:00-5:00, answered e-mails, made calls and even logged onto my laptop to send out a few even more important e-mails...I still came to work and had 80 new e-mails and 12 new voice mails on my desk phone. I spent all of Monday playing catchup and it really wasn't until about noon on Tuesday that I was caught up and even got a little ahead.

I'm planning on (nay, WILL) take off this Friday as well. So since noon on Tuesday I've been trying to get all my ducks in a row so that I don't have the backlog from taking off. I'm still going to have the BB with me. I'll still be checking e-mails throughout the day, but I'm hoping to get enough done that Monday doesn't haunt me all weekend.

It's frustrating, as I've always been really sensitive to people who can't leave work at work. I typically can't stand who I was last Friday. All, "Hang on, just let me send this one e-mail." or, "Yes, we can go and get lunch together, I just have to get this one document sent out." It was a vacation day and I should have been able to remove myself from work and enjoy the day away. However, I understand the show must go on, whether I'm there or not. So I want to make sure I don't neglect my responsibilities. And now this Friday, knowing I was not neglectful last weekend and STILL suffered such extreme pile up...I worry I'll be even more neurotic about it.

How does one respect their responsibilities and still tend to what needs tending and at the same time allow themselves to enjoy their day off...meaning NO work??

Gah...being a grown up. I never worried about what was going down at Ace Hardware on my days off! Oh to be 16 again!

Christmas is here, Christmas is here!

It's now officially official that Christmas has started in my mind. Not just the season but the real thing. It is my family's annual tradition to go and see the Milwaukee Repertory Theater's A Christmas Carol each and every Christmas season. This marked our 14th year in attendance. (We missed one the year we took our first and only Family Ski Trip to Montana - turns out, our family isn't into skiing nearly as much as we thought we were. We did learn we ARE into drinking in the lodge as much as we thought we were.)

For the first 10ish years, we always went on Christmas Eve. Hence why, my mind is trained to think the following process.

Step 1) go and see A Christmas Carol.
Step 2) It's Christmas day.

Well the last 4 years they haven't had a Christmas Eve show, so it has been more like Step 1 go see the show, step 2 it's Christmas Eve!, step 3 Hooray Christmas! But this year, since C is no longer chained to the big red W for every holiday imaginable, we will be spending Christmas Eve with his family. And then mom got some rocking discounts for a little earlier in the season so we ended up going to see it this past Sunday.

And, heyo! I'm thinking it's Christmas day! And while I know it's not really Christmas day, it turns out I'm plenty happy with my well trained brain and will gladly spend the next 2 weeks thinking that tomorrow is Christmas day!! And then I realized yesterday that Christmas is NEXT WEEKEND!!!! And now I feel like I'm not even that far off. So I'm all HOORAY for the next two weeks, fyi.

Also, following the show we always go out somewhere to eat. This year, 2 weeks before the show and subsequently 2 weeks before he "knew the Packers lost" Dad suggested we MUST eat somewhere no one had been before. I suggested the Pasta Tree, full on knowing I had eaten there before. But daaaaaamn that place is delicious, and so cute inside, it'd be perfect! So in the true spirit of the holiday season (getting what you want! j/k...sorta) I lied and promptly made reservations!

Fast forward to Sunday when we know the Packers have lost which means now we care about every other game under the sun and I'm doing my best "Dammit it's Christmas, we're eating somewhere without TV's" argument while Dad and Brother are begging to watch Michael Vick. (Dammit, it's CHRISTMAS!) Fortunately for me, pretty much everyone in my inner (and probably even my outer) circle knows there are few things I REALLY don't back down on...Christmas tops that list. In fact, I believe well before Thanksgiving, I even threw out a "Nobody f*cks with my Christmas" warning. Yeah, yeah, I did.

So, we ended up having a lovely dinner, which everyone enjoyed thoroughly, without ANY tv's (though Brother had his phone out the whole time...compromises people, compromises). If you live in the Milwaukee area and haven't been to The Pasta Tree you should definitely give it a go. It's consistently awarded one of the Most Romantic Restaurants in Milwaukee (though I always see plenty of non-romantical diners there). It's just got this adorable, quaint, cozy atmosphere and some absolutely fricken amazing pastas!

What is it with prompts?!

They're all about forcing me to choose one, and since that's just totally not my style (decisions have never been my strong point), I refuse to conform. My closest compromise is a top list of sorts.

Prompt: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.

Today's reverb prompt does the same. However, since I do love the general idea behind this prompt, I'm going to go with it...list style. I've decided I'll choose an event from each season...see, I'm pretty good at narrowing, it's just the whole "choose one" thing I'm terrible at.

Spring: Christian and I went to Arizona! It was our first major vacation just the two of us. We had an amazing time. We ate out, we ate in. We were lazy, we were active. Probably the most rock my socks off part of the vacation though was towards the end of the trip. We had decided one night we were there we'd get dressed up and have drinks and dinner somewhere nice. We found this amazing resort tucked up in the Camelback Mountains. The bar of the resort had this cozy outdoor patio. It couldn't have been more perfect. We got there as the sun was just starting to make its way down. Weather was beautiful, drinks were cold. And we snuggled up as we watched the sun head off into the mountains. I can remember for a minute, feeling completely speechless.

This picture is at night but you get the general awesomeness of it all.

The next day we made the trek up to Sedona. There was this amazing church way up at the top of one of the gorgeous red rock formations. It was a minor portion of our time in Sedona, but inside the church, among the small collection of wooden pews facing floor to ceiling windows I had a moment. I cried (it's what I do). It was the second time I was totally moved on that vacation. All in all the trip rocked my socks off on a number of other occasions, it was a total highlight of 2010.

Summer: It's an annual tradition now (going on the better part of a decade) that three college friends gather in Milwaukee to celebrate our country's independence. Certain additions have been made along the way, the greatest of which is our significant others...and bocce ball. This summer we didn't have many specific plans, which is how we ended up just hanging out on July 3rd. It's funny how some of the best moments of my year are relatively simple ones. This weekend as a whole was a good one but I recall specifically sitting at The Yard on their comfy couches. It was hot, really hot...jeans sticking to your legs due to sweat hot. But we lounged for hours. We guzzled beer to quench our thirst and keep them from boiling. We talked and sat in silence. And we just kept acknowledging how perfect that afternoon was. And of course my other favorite part of this annual weekend celebration, spending Sunday at my parents. My mom whips up a feast, we sit in the pool and drink and laugh all day long. Until the time comes to compete. Then we head out to the well groomed bocce ball course my father spent a week creating and we go head to head. Boys versus Girls. What a fantastic weekend.

Fall: Man, Christian wins this one again. This year for our anniversary we had the most randomly perfect day. We didn't have much of a plan set but ended up having the most wonderful series of events. We started the day at the Tosa Farmer's Market (the man knows the ways to my heart and 2 of them are Tosa and Food). We stopped on the way and got fall themed coffee drinks. Inspired by the Farmer's Market we stopped at two of the specialty grocery stores in the area and bought unique things not on our usual weekly list. The second store is a bit north of the city and being that far north C decided we should head up to Cedarburg as I've never been there. I CAN'T believe I had never been there.


It is so my kind of adorable, quaint little town. We wandered up and down the streets of downtown Cedarburg, poking our heads in the little shops. Stopped for lunch at an adorable cafe and had some of the best soup and sandwiches we'd had in a while. We concluded the day with a trip to Target (one of my favorite things to do with him...weird I know, I just can't get enough. I can still remember our first trip to Target together...I think I might have a Target problem.) We wrapped it up with a delicious dinner at a restaurant we had never been before...that ended up having half priced bottles of wine that night. Lucky, no?

Winter: Given that this season is my absolute FAVORITE season (given the holidays) I know I'll have lots of rock my socks moments off just around the corner. But already, I had the Advent Adventure one (which coincided with the first snowfall, which is always one of my favorite days throughout the year). This Sunday we'll be heading as a family to see A Christmas Carol for the 13th year. Quite possibly my most favorite Christmas tradition. I got to spend Thanksgiving with Christian's family for the first time since we started dating and I have never felt so welcome and at ease before! It was definitely one of my favorite moments. I discovered an adorable little pub I never knew before with a best friend and despite it being ruined by drunk assholes, the night was a gem. I got to go on our first triple date with my best friends and their boyfriends since we've all been dating them.

So many fantastic moments of 2010. And these are just the top ones!

We won't know what we're missing...

Thanks to my XM radio I've got additional options for Christmas music this year. One of the stations plays my new, new favorite Christmas song. Historically, I rarely appreciate "new" Christmas songs. I'm a fan of the old favorites, traditional holiday songs. Though I understand at one point or another they were ALL new songs, in general I don't appreciate a heavy beat behind songs with the words Christmas or Santa. However, every now and then, one sneaks through the cracks and I'm hooked like Rudolph on carrots. (I'm looking at you Mariah Carey, "All I Want for Christmas" kicks of my Christmas music listening season annually).

My new, new favorite is Dave Barnes' Christmas Tonight.

Baby let’s just light the fire (what about the city)
Doesn’t look so safe to drive (but the drive’s so pretty)
We won’t know what we’re missing if we don’t go out for Christmas tonight

As C pointed out, it's essentially "Baby, It's Cold Outside" with different words, which is probably why I love it. It's roots are traditional.

But I have other reasons too. It totally captures my favorite parts of Christmas. If you haven't discovered yet, I am SO all about Christmas. And when I say that I don't just mean the 25th, to me Christmas is an entire season (starts right after Halloween and goes to about the middle of January for me). Two of my favorite parts of the season go head to head in this song.

I LOVE my house decorated for Christmas, and if people wouldn't think I was batshit crazy, I'd leave it up all year long. It makes it so damn cozy inside. But, I like allowing people into my home, so eventually I take it down. However, for those 2 (ish) months (depending on how sad I get to take it down...it's lasted through February on occasion), I LOVE getting all cozy next to the tree, the slight glow of the lights casting down over the room. Throw in a seasonal movie and I'm all in.

However, I also LOVE that this time of year gets people all excited to see one another, reconnect and spend time with those they love. So naturally December becomes an incredibly hectic month full of plans with friends and family. I just looked at the calendar and from now until next Thursday I've got some kind of fun plan with someone I can't wait to see. That's very exciting. (Exhausting, but exciting).

So you can see how this song TOTALLY gets me and wins the award of new, new favorite Christmas song. I can't wait to go out and play, but at the same time, we won't know what we're missing if we don't go out for Christmas tonight.

Go take a listen... and then queue it up right after Ms. Carey on your fave Christmas playlist.

Community

I'm picking and choosing which reverb10's I want to participate in...so there.

Prompt: Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?

I have found a community through my job. For the first time in my grown-up life, I am working at a real job with people who aren't my family. Of course there were other co-workers when I was working for the family company. People who weren't related by blood. But it's hard to seek out a new community when the one you already have there is established and pretty frickin' close.

So when I first started at this company, it was a little intimidating. I was going from a company of at most 10 (and at least 2 of the 10 at all times were family) where my boss was my dad and the office manager was my mom, to one of 30,000 world wide. Of course all 30,000 don't work in my office, only about 500 do, still a big difference.

I wondered what it would be like to see strangers every single day. To not know, or ever begin to know everyone in the office. What if people were mean? What if I didn't get along with people? What if no one liked me? (It's a fact, your parents have to like you, so I never had to worry about this at work before!)

It turns out I was plopped right into a group of fantastic people. I'm not painting you a picture of rainbows and butterflies here, of course there were / are people I didn't care for. I wasn't best friends with everyone. I didn't "click" with the entire team. But fortunately for me, there was a tight knit group of women who became more than my co-workers but my friends. A community of support, of mentors, of people I could count on. And hell, now? Now we even get drinks outside of work! I like the community I've found here. It's diverse. People range in age and in background. Some people provide me with sound advice about my career. Others talk through relationships. I like my little community I've formed here and I know no matter where the path may take me, these people will always be a part of it. I've already learned from this community and know I'll continue to do so.

In 2011 I'd like to develop a community that is based around giving. C and I are exploring a number of different volunteer opportunities and I'd like my new community of 2011 to be built around that. Whether it's through a church or an organization, I'd like to build a group of new people to learn from, rely on and work with, with the common goal of providing something for others. More to come on this as we narrow down some of the ideas we have and start running with them.

'Tis the Season.

(I'm apologizing for length right now, I tried to keep it short. But I'm being selfish and this post is important to me - for my memory - and so I didn't want to omit any details, but it took quite a bit of explanation. Oh and for the cheese...it gets a little cheesy :)).

In the true spirit of the creation of this blog, I'm simply posting to document. It's mostly for myself, so I can come back here years from now and remember something. It wasn't your typical monumental day, so I worry it might get lost in the many major moments that take up the majority of space in my memory. Or even worse, it could get lost among the things I'd rather not have in there, like work stuff, that takes up space whether I want it to or not. So it's not a post necessarily for your enjoyment, although I suppose it is a sort of weekend update.

Because it's a letter to myself, I won't explain this part in the letter, but will preface it first. The first weekend in December is rather special to me. For the last 10 years or so, I have participated in Advent Adventure. It's through the church I went to growing up. A wonderfully special woman, who we call Schneider, has coordinated this event for the last 14 years. I've been going since I was a sophomore in high school, and have been almost every year since (save a few years in college where I couldn't get home). I almost hate to explain it here because it's impossible to put into words and when the logistics are explained, it sounds much less magical than it really is, but I'll do my best.

Schneider comes up with crafts, 5 or 6. Nothing too complicated, just little crafts for all ages. Their intent is what's special, they're made to be gifts. Given to family, friends, teachers, etc. Then, on the first Saturday in December, we gather a group of high school kids from our church. A group of, for the most part, well off, privileged white kids, from way out in the burbs. Kids who have known Christmas and presents and Santa for as far back as they can remember.

We take this group down to a church in the very innermost part of the city. A church that is small and run down. A church full of kids who couldn't be more different from them. Kids who range in age from one year to 18 years. They're matched up. And together, they make these crafts. They introduce someone so different from them to things like glitter, wrapping paper, even ornaments for a tree. They make the crafts, wrap them as gifts, and for this Christmas, they have things to give to their families on the 25th.

I could go into a number of different stories from my years of doing this event. Stories of kids wanting to wrap up cookies because they've never had them. Not knowing what a Christmas tree is. Only taking one cookie when they're offered as many as they want because it's "all they need." Needing help understanding what wrapping paper is because they've never received a gift that was wrapped in paper.

But that's not the point I want to make, the point is, that for two hours on that first Saturday of December every single year, a group of total opposites comes together. And I swear to all things holy, for those two hours, there isn't race or class or money. There's a group of people sharing things they have. And not a single person leaves that room without feeling richer, wiser, and fulfilled. It kicks off my Christmas season and I couldn't think of anything better to serve as the start of my season, my reminder of what it all means.

So that's Advent Adventure.

As I said, I've done this many years before. Sometimes with mom. Sometimes with mom and my brother. One year I even got to bring Grandma. But this year I brought Christian. It's hard to explain exactly what the event is to someone so I knew he didn't really know what to expect. However, the man is built to give. Caring is in his very being, so I wasn't worried about it. As the day got closer I got more and more excited. After over 2 years together he was finally able to come with me and I felt like I was getting to share something so special to me and my Christmas season with him.

The event was just like every other year. More kids this year, more than we've ever seen, but the same magic, the same fulfillment. Except this time there was just a little more love for me. I got to look over and see the man I love more than I ever thought I could being so incredibly wonderful with these kids. Sneaking little glances as we crafted away. I had adults who have known me since I was a kid, and who's opinion means so much to me, come up and tell me how wonderful he was. How impressed they were. How happy they were to see me with him.

At the end Schneider thanked us, as she always does. She cried, as she always does. I cried. We got in the car to drive off and we cried. You can't help it. When you leave there, you feel moved, changed, better.

The rest of the day was pretty usual. We stopped and saw his Grandma, got some lunch. But it was just all more special because of how we spent our morning. Together, giving. Kicking off our Christmas season.

Felt (and continue to feel) pretty damn blessed.

Terrible luck with prompts.

I know it was only yesterday that I was all, "hooray, something to prompt me to blog!" and that I lasted even longer on the 30(ish) days...but today's prompt? Not so great / applicable.

Prompt: Writing. What do you do each day that doesn't contribute to your writing -- and can you eliminate it?

Life? Does life count? I do life and that doesn't necessarily contribute to writing, but since I'm not a writer for life, I probably can't eliminate it. I do try to write down blogs as often as I can, as a reminder of what I'm doing and where I'm at in life. And honestly, it's been REALLY interesting for me to go back just 2 years and see where I was when this all started. It's been a roller coaster, and I enjoy being able to go back and see the ups and downs, the twists and turns I've ridden over the course of 2 years. However, I don't get dolla bills for this business, so it's something I do when I have a little down time and a chance to bang out a post here or there.

I do write quite a bit for my job. If e-mails count I write about 200 things a day. Even if they don't, a lot of my job is writing various things. Being in a role heavily focused on communication, how could it not? I enjoy writing, I've been told I'm alright at it. (My dad thinks I'm really good at it but it's just because it's not one of his strong suits so he's impressed I can do it at all.)

But the things that keep me from spending all day writing can not in fact be eliminated. I have to work, even the parts that don't include writing. I choose to spend time with my family and my boyfriend and my furkids. That's not writing but it sure as hell won't be eliminated any time soon.

So there, life keeps me from writing..but it also greatly inspires most of the writing I do.

One Word

Since the whole 30(ish) days thing blew up, I decided I'd try a different kind of prompts. It's called #reverb10. From their website: Reverb 10 is an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next. The end of the year is an opportunity to reflect on what's happened, and to send out reverberations for the year ahead. With Reverb 10, we'll do both.

I'm a total sucker for reflection and manifestation. My dad had us setting goals as far back as I can remember and I've always been a fan - so this seems to be right up my alley. Plus, it totally reinforces the whole point of the blog - to help me remember life. (Vague, I know.)

So today's prompt: Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

2010: Stability
Sure things changed for me a bit in 2010. I got a new position that I absolutely love, working for a boss who I'm nothing short of excited to be working for. But I'm still with the same company and since I really eased into a long transition period into this position, it didn't feel like a real abrupt change. And I'm a-okay with that, as I've never been into big changes.

For the most part though, things stayed the same. And I couldn't be happier about it. I'm feeling really comfortable with where I'm at with a lot of things in my life. I'm very content with my relationship. I know loads of progress have been made in our relationship over the past year and as we close out 2010, we are more stable than I ever imagined a relationship could be. After some ups and downs in the beginning, this year we managed to even out and really find our groove.

My other relationships have maintained throughout this year as well. I still see my family at least once a week (a relationship I'm so happy and blessed to have). My friends who are my friends are still a thriving force in my life and continue to shape who I am and why I do what I do. I've got a strong unit of best friends who have continued to enhance my life throughout 2010.

There have been surprises, let downs, and adjustments in life this year - as I anticipate there will be every year. But for the most part 2010 has kept me stable and comfortable. After a few years of not so stable, I'll take it!

2011: Growth
I am really hoping to take the stability I've found in 2010 and use it to launch some serious growth in 2011. Not necessarily change, as I'm not anticipating any HUGE changes to the way life is now, but I'd like to be able to build on my stable foundation and grow. I want to break out of some of my comfort zones. Seek out my weaknesses and try to improve on them. I'd like to take the year of comfortable and really use it to ramp up to a year of growth and development. In work, in relationships, in personal life. There's a lot of ways I can make that happen, and will make that happen. What better time to grow than following a period of stable contentment?