Friday, October 30, 2009
A few months ago, I was seriously house hunting in Tosa. Then I got the Temptress job, wasn't making as much money and was living alone and figured, this is *probably* not the right idea.
Well yesterday, out of sheer boredom, I decided to just "see what's out there" for places in Tosa. I had previously been looking at houses, but figured, I'm in a condo now and it's already too much space, let's just see what kind of condos are for sale.
And in one quick search...I may have fallen in love. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high, but this 3 bdrm, 1 1/2 bath condo has got me so excited I can hardly handle it! With the intent of not jinxing myself, I will say this and only this, I have a 2:15 appointment to see the townhouse tomorrow...and am SO. DAMN. EXCITED.
Also - those who know me or have read about me and feel like they know me, may know by now that sometimes when I decide something I take it to the extreme. Go balls to the wall. Do it 110%. Any of those apply. A few days ago I told my mom I needed some sort of physical change to go with the shit in life that's changing right now. I decided I wanted to paint my bedroom. And within 72 hours I've decided to go big or go home. Why paint my bedroom when I can just get a new one?! That's change!
So until Monday - cross anything that can be crossed that this place is a fantastic as it looks and that I'm preparing to put my house on the market!
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Shit happens, and my way of dealing with it right now is to take each day at a time. I literally have not thought past what is happening on whatever day it is. It's been a rather refreshing experience and I've realized just how calming it can be. Obviously, I still have a calendar and there are future tasks (both at work and coaching) that I have to be aware of and prepared for. But in my personal life, I am taking it one day at a time. I've been forcing myself into this method since Monday afternoon when my world was slightly shaken. Nothing life ending, everyone is still alive and the world is still spinning. However, my own little world, got a little shake. In preparation for dealing with the aftermath, I decided the situation at hand is out of my control. I have done all I can, and therefore, I just have to accept it (big words / decisions for a control freak).
I woke up Tuesday morning and repeated over and over again to myself, "Stop. This is out of your control and this is what has to happen in this moment. Nothing you do can change that or speed up the aftermath. Take today for what it is and worry about tomorrow, tomorrow." And that's what I've been doing for the last few days.
I'm actually quite surprised at how OK I've been with day to day. I have no idea what I'll be doing tomorrow night, but I know what's happening today, and today, has been another decent day.
Also - I have been amazed in the past 3 days how little actions from strangers can completely turn my day around. So thanks to all those strangers who brought a smile to my face, when I was certain it would be awhile before it showed itself again.
Monday, October 26, 2009
My mom always jokingly says "pretty flowers" whenever she's talking about convincing herself she's not sad. It's pretty funny.
This in no way means that we don't allow ourselves to be sad or cry about things. If you know the two of us, you KNOW we cry (seriously, I cry all the time). But I cry, I allow myself to be a little sad, and then I think about how it's going to get better and that I've got a lot to be happy about. And in just a short while, I'm already feeling happier.
I had a thought cross my mind this morning, in accordance with the previous thought process. People can say or do things to make you sad or mad. Situations can get you down right pissed off. But you, and ONLY you, have the control over whether your mouth is in a frown or a smile. Even though life might be getting me just a little bit down, I still wake up every morning with the choice to smile or frown at the day.
And today, even though I've got things I could frown about. And the weather is all gloomy and dark. And I've got a very busy week ahead of me...I'm choosing to smile. And dammit, if I smile long enough, I just know I'll feel happier :)
So there, life. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it. (I can say things like that while smiling - quite frankly telling life to eff off a bit makes me smile quite a bit!)
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Yesterday I was in a funk - a crap day for no reason at all. I realized that the people in my life, my people, make me smile and turn my day around without doing anything at all. Just knowing I have them in my life and that they are a part of who I am, made me smile and turn my day around.
My dad e-mailed me and in this incredible e-mail which gave today, my "new" day, a fantastic new start, he threw in this great, amazing quote, which I will add to the words of wisdom he's given me in the past.
"Love isn't always a verb requiring action, or reaction. It can also be a noun. A person, place or thing. Your people being there for you without action, is love."
Love it. :)
Monday, October 19, 2009
Sometimes when I'm in a "funk", having one of those days, I need remind myself of all the positive. Of all the good things I have going that are keeping me afloat during bad times. That these days aren't even bad days, they're just not good days. And I'd rather have an okay day, than a bad day. No matter how my day is, it's never as bad as it's going to be and never as good as it can get. There could always be worse, and there will always be better.
When I was in college, I joined a sorority and the symphony of said sorority started with the phrase:
"to see beauty even in the common things of life" and ended with "This is to be my symphony."
There was more to the entire symphony and this is not to say those parts aren't just as important or as influential, but that first statement always got me.
And sometimes, when I'm having a funk day, I need to remind myself to see beauty even in things that might, on a good day, be over looked. Perhaps that's why we have "okay" days. Because if they were all good, we might miss the beauty in the common and ordinary.
So today, even though I'm in a funk. I'm seeking beauty and happiness out of the little common things.
And I'll start with the fact that it's sunny outside :)
Anyways. The movie was mostly families, parents and their kids. In fact, when we first walked in, I think we may have been one of 2 couples there without kids. More people our age started to file in and by the time the movie started there was a good handful of 20 & 30-somethings without kids there.
Like I said, I love kid's movies but even more so, I love kids movies that also entertain the parents and/or other adults who don't have children but may dip into the children's genre from time to time. This movie really did have enough goofy fun for the kids while bringing home some genuine and deep heartfelt messages for the parents. Here's my bullet list of things I noticed / enjoyed / felt about the movie.
- Monsters - They could be a little scary for younger kiddos. They do talk about eating up Max - which I bet they could interpret as scary. But they are also extremely likable and once they become friends, you really do feel for these big furry friends.
- Plot - I, like many others, wondered how they were going to turn a 10 sentence book into an hour and a half movie. The plot was fantastic, just long enough without being drawn out. And it felt like a real movie (sometimes kids movies feel a bit short).
- Depth - The depth of this plot was really great. I already admitted I was a bit emotional. But in all seriousness - I figured how deep could it get w/ a 7 year old and a bunch of fake monsters? Oh, it can get deep. I cried. I may have been the only one in the theater who produced real tears (and a good hearty heap of 'em), but there were some sad parts!
(And don't ask about what made me cry - the BF did when we left and it made me start to cry again).
Friday, October 16, 2009
The title of my blog, though it’s a long one and semi-difficult to remember (even I have to double check before I type it somewhere else) has quite some value to me. Which is why, even though I knew it would be difficult for others to remember (I did think I’d be capable – I can never remember which comes first!) I wanted it to be that so it could be a reminder to myself every time I wrote on it.
Since as far back as I can remember my dad has always said to me the following quote, “reach for the highest, strive for the best, live day to day and to God leave the rest.” His mom used to tell him the same thing.
In the hardest of times, I can rest on this quote. I remind myself as long as I’m giving it my all and shooting as high as I can…I’m doing all I can do.
Sometimes I get wrapped up so quickly in the what’s nexts? And the what about the next steps? This quote reminds me…take it day by day. Of course, some of your actions and choices today cause the next steps. But as far as what you can control, you’ve got the present. Nothing can happen in the future without something happening today to cause it. Every step we take, word we speak and thought we think, leads to our future steps, words and thoughts. You can’t walk that path, have that conversation or make that plan, without today happening first. So I need that reminder sometimes, live today. Tomorrow will come, but right now, you’ve got today.
And finally, the most difficult part of the quote for me to accept. To God leave the rest. (this can be supplemented with “universe” or “fate” or whatever higher power you choose to “leave the rest” to). I openly admit (often) that I am a bit of a control freak. Not over other people, but of my own life. I like knowing what’s coming next. Not having control over a situation that directly affects my life FREAKS. ME. OUT. (this is also why I hate surprises – even when it’s a gift – because I like knowing all aspects of my life and someone surprising me with something makes me feel very out of the loop – crazy, I know).
It’s this crazy double edged sword I battle with from time to time. Even as a self-admitted control freak, the thought of having TOTAL control scares the crap out of me. I like having control but also need to feel that there is some higher power, whether it’s God, or Fate or the Universe or the Wizard of Oz, whatever it may be! I find comfort and solace knowing that there is something else assisting in the paths I’m choosing. Someone/thing else is sort of leading me in the general direction of where I’m supposed to be going. I kind of feel like it’s a choose your own adventure book. Life, that is. That this higher power is giving me the options but I choose which one I take. So that I have control, but not total control.
Little crazy and a little scatterbrained post. But felt good to put that out there and remind myself of why I love that quote so much.
Feel free to use it – just give credit to Stevie, my wonderfully amazing dad :)
Thursday, October 8, 2009
This week has been totally bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S.
I swear when I get a second of free time, I'll blog it up. 'Til then, my apologies will have to suffice.