So instead I'll talk about what the last 6 weeks (post-engagement) have been like. Here are my observations about the post-proposal, pre-wedding planning phase.
I cry A LOT.
I mean, I always cry a lot but this is some weepy shit. This phase has totally reaffirmed my fear of being a hormone-filled pregnant woman because I will likely just float away on a river of my tears. Sometimes, when I'm driving to work in the morning, I start to think about the wedding day and marrying Tom and I just start crying. I become so freaking overwhelmed by the love and happiness I feel about that day and I cry. On the spot.
Related: There are things I cannot think about.
We had most of the wedding planned within about a week of the proposal. My incredibly patient fiance would come home each day to a barrage of ideas I found, people I talked to, things we could get, etc. He would intently listen, offer his opinion and help me me make decisions. We have thought about a LOT of things. However, I have quickly learned my list of things I cannot think about for fear of crying myself to a state of dehydration. These things include, but are not limited to:
- Almost anything to do with Tom and the day of (this includes first look, vows, first dance, seeing, speaking or touching him).
- Almost anything to do with my Dad (first look, father daughter dance and GOD FORBID THAT FREAKING TOAST).
- Most things to do with "my people" (bridesmaids, bridal party, my mom, my friends, everyone being in the same room to celebrate the love I have for that man...oh god, I could cry right now just typing it and I'm not even really thinking about it).
I am terrified of a dress.
I'm not much of a clothes shopper. For the longest time, thanks to my previously gigantic boobs, dresses were pretty much out of the question. (See: The time I skipped a formal entirely because I couldn't find a dress to fit over them and also fit the rest of my body in THE ENTIRE CITY OF MINNEAPOLIS.) Maybe I still have PTSD from that or something. Basically me trying to find anything other than a Maxi dress (because those are just sweatpants without legs) is like asking a dude to pick up a bra. What are these descriptions? People wear that? WHAT DOES THIS FLAP DO?! I have been super excited about every single part of wedding planning except for picking a damn dress. NBD, just a dress that EVERYONE IS WAITING TO SEE. Just a dress you're going to MARRY YOUR HUSBAND in. Every time I think of what kind of dress I want I basically just hear a little voice saying, "Don't screw this up, Nikolas." So no, thankyouverymuch, I do NOT have a dress yet. I'm going to need to be a little hammered for that part.
You should marry a good man.
I guess I kind of knew this one before I got engaged, but it's become very apparent in this post-proposal phase. Planning a day to commit your life to another person should be, and for the most part is, a very happy experience. However, there are undeniable logistics of a wedding that inevitably make things temporarily not as happy. Money, numbers, crazy family members, whether there is brisket on the menu, etc. (some of those may be more applicable to my wedding than yours). Tom has been amazing. He's interested, he's engaged, he's contributing. He was willing to visit an entire warehouse of vintage rentals and even held a pro/con session of his own between two different sets of table numbers. He's understanding with me when my Type A (which sometimes stands for "asshole") takes over and loses its shit about some stupid detail that doesn't matter at all. He's helpful when I get deep into an excel file and start to get an overwhelmed look on my face. He's patient when I ask the same question 100 times a week despite knowing there will be no change in answer. If you're going to plan a wedding and marry someone, make it someone good. I can't imagine doing this whole thing with someone who sucks.
My people are awesome.
I knew this. I've known this for a very long time. But nothing makes you get all gooey inside like thinking of all your favorite people being in one spot at the same time. And then, when you get to ask people to stand up with you when you marry that man that you weren't sure you'd ever find and then you did and they love him and he loves them and it's ONE BIG GIANT LOVE FEST. Oh man, that is some good stuff right there. One of my favorite parts of planning a wedding so far has been asking people to be a part of the big day. I still have a few asks left and I think I might be intentionally procrastinating. This has turned into my favorite drug. The excitement leading up to it, the thrill of asking, the burst of love when they respond. Ugh, it's GOOD STUFF. I don't want it to be over. So sorry to the "yet-to-be-asked" list...y'all might be waiting a little bit longer.