Don't Make Me Judge You.

There's something unsettling to me when I realize I'm judging the undeserved. Just to clarify, I have no problem casting judgement if you're asking for it. For example, if I can see your lady parts because your skirt is too short. Or if you're a dude wearing fancier jeans than me. These things are different. I'm talking about when you catch yourself accidentally judging that nice unaware person.

Given this, you can imagine how contradictory dating is in my head. See, really when you boil it down, dating is just a series of repetitive judgements. I mean it kind of has to be, right? So you go into it with standards and ideals and a list of acceptable characteristics. Each time you date a person, or meet a new guy, or, truthfully, see a man across the street you think might be dateable* you immediately begin to judge. And you judge harshly and quickly. What are they wearing? Are they tall enough? (no? Just me?) They just came out of THAT bar?! Is that a Puka shell necklace? Sweet blow out, bro. All of these things seem comfortable to me. You kind of have to make those snap judgements, a nicer person might call it "attraction at first sight." But let's call a spade a spade, you're judging whether they're suitable boyfriend/girlfriend material. And no one can get mad about it because we're all doing it to each other. It's why, when we're single, we feel so much pressure to look good and feel good and act good (less emphasis on the last one... probably). Because you know you're constantly under scrutiny by single people of the opposite sex. They didn't make push-up bras because they're comfortable.**

These aren't the judgements that make me feel like an asshole. I'm finding, as I thrust myself full force back into the dating scene that there are little things I judge quickly. They don't matter all that much but for some reason I have this nerve that these things strike and I physically react. My face gets all contorted, I sigh (like an annoyed parent or frustrated teacher), sometimes I even let out a strongly-backed "Ugh." I'm sure there's a reason, past baggage or logically based, but whatever the cause I'm learning there's a small list of things that are just like nails on a damn chalkboard. Naturally, I've decided to share these with the world.

1. lol 
Okay, so there's no way for this to NOT sound like bragging, but I know I'm funny. I'm not quitting my job for a mic and a stool, but I know I make people laugh. However, when I haven't said anything REMOTELY funny, "lol" is not an appropriate response. It's become this filler, mostly in texts, that drives me crazy. It takes most of my will power to not respond "THAT WASN'T FUNNY." Please, don't use it unless you actually laughed, or even thought of laughing. A smiley face will get you 3,000 more points than "lol".

2. Ability to Plan
I KNOW I'm ridiculous. I would never expect everyone to have a color-coded calendar. However, we're grown-ups and we have lives (at least I hope you do or we're going to have a real hard time dating). Because of that, I need you to understand that I have things going on. Sometimes, sure, I can totally do a spontaneous happy hour. But for the most part, I have things planned. Want to see me? Make a plan. If you can't handle the commitment of a calendar, we're doomed from the start. 

3. Trying to be sexy. (Keyword: trying)
I don't consider myself a "sexy" person. I'm not smooth and I have little to NO game at all. But I own it. I'm never going to test out a pick-up line and I don't have "moves". If you are a similar kind of person, PLEASE don't try to be sexy. Specifically in text messages where NOTHING COMES THROUGH THE WAY YOU THINK IT DOES. It results in one of two things. 1) I think "Oh my god, how adorable is he?" because you're not pulling it off and instead of striking sexy thoughts in my head, I'm turning my head just slightly and thinking "Awwww!" 2) You sound like a total douche. Seriously, if we haven't known each other for long and you're sending sexts or texts of ANY SORT OF SEXUAL nature without it coming off 100% smooth and coy, you sound like a douche and I'm judging you. Unless you've confirmed WITH A FEMALE in your life that you're actually capable of being sexy, don't attempt it.

To be clear, I'm not ruling anyone out because of these things. Just doing a little judging.


 *It's shocking spell check hasn't just gone ahead and accepted that I'm going to keep using this word, whether you believe it's real or not.

**But I did find one that's tolerable, in case you're looking for a little pick me up that doesn't make you want to go all feminist and braless by 10:00 p.m.

No (Relationship) Labor til Labor Day.

Tie yourself down. It's going to be a rough fucking ride. (if you haven't seen this story, please do yourself a favor and read this. I adore the opening line. Even though this won't be nearly as rough for you as it was for me.)

It's been a while since I've blogged. I'd say 75% of that has to do with the fact that in March (and subsequently half of April) I forced myself to date. To actively seek out men and suck it up and just put myself out there. A bunch. And if I did that for one month, I could quit if I hated it.

This results in not blogging for two reasons...the last time I met a guy he told me he had seen my blog. *Cue panic* The thought process went something like this "SHIT. What did I post last?! How far back do you think it took to lose interest. PLEASE tell me the last post wasn't some thought spewing rant about men being assholes, or being obsessed with Tim Riggins." So when I decide to date it seems natural I keep a lower profile on the ol' blog. Until he's hooked, then the shit flies freely.

Secondly, UGH dating. I know you're thinking "But wouldn't it be HILARIOUS to share all the fun dating stories on you blog?" and it would be fun, for those of you who are happily secured in a relationship. You'd get to be "back in the dating world" vicariously from the comfort of your locked down status. You could laugh and cringe about all the ups and downs and then go happily about your day. That would be SO fun. What wouldn't be fun is me detailing the ridiculous rollercoaster that dating is. I'd be all "he was SO great, can't wait to see him again" one day and then all "oh, look, he's a surprise douchebag. Cross that one off the list." And that doesn't seem all that much fun for me, the one *actually* dating. So as much as I love providing you with entertainment, dating is apparently where I draw the line. Unless you're one of the lucky ones who gets my chapter after chapter of e-mails about every man I talk to.

But here we are, over half way through April and I survived. Did I enjoy it? Mostly, no. A little, yes.

Reasons I hate dating: 

• Games. I don't play them. I don't have a filter or a poker face. So if I say something I mean it. If I'm not saying something it's because I don't. You can imagine how confusing it is for me to deal with someone who doesn't follow this same protocol. 
• Time. This is a little ridiculous, I know. And I swear I'm not trying to sound cool (see above comment). I'm busy. It's with intention that my calendar is crowded. I like being busy. I've adopted all sorts of activities and organizations over the last two years of being single and I like it that way. Giving up my time I've been spending on something I love for something I'm not excited about turns me into a whiny little bitch.
• The wrong ones. This post doesn't end in me telling you about my new boyfriend. So clearly the time I've spent playing games has been with the wrong ones, not Mr. Right. 
• Advice. If I've said it once, I've said it a hundred times on here: I've got the most ridiculous network of awesome people you've ever met in my life. They're amazing. And they put up with the stories down to the intricate details of every text, date and aftermath. They're a TOLERANT people. And they offer sound, quality advice. However, sometimes when you're single, you HATE advice. When I'm single and not dating, the advice disappears. When people know you're dating they're all "he'll come when you least expect it!" and "it just means he can't see how great you are!" and "He probably just doesn't know how to date!" And 99% of the time they're right. But UGH. I don't want to least expect it, tell him to check his vision and for CHRIST'S SAKE LEARN HOW TO DATE. I HAD TO! 
• Panic. Holy shit. I am a relatively calm person, in general it usually takes a lot to get me worked up. But nothing sends me into a tizzy of panic like dating. Do I like him? Does he like me? what does he mean "ok"?! He did that one thing, that was weird. ARE WE SEEING EACH OTHER AGAIN?! OH MY GOD, WHAT IF HE MOVES IN HERE?! WHAT IF HE HATES WHAT I WORE?!?! (I annoy myself when I'm dating.) 

Reasons I love dating (you didn't think I'd be that salty did you?!):

• Butterflies. They didn't happen often this time around, because I'm becoming a pro at first dates and the jitters wear off. But at least a couple times in the last month and a half, I got some serious butterflies. And that shit is FUN. Nothing compares to first time butterflies, nothing. 
• Men. The good news is? I still love men. They might not all be good ones, but there are still good ones out there and dammit, I just love them.
• Realizing I *probably* won't be alone forever. This time around included a decent ratio of men I liked that didn't want to make it work and men that liked me that I didn't feel "that way" about. Which, while it might sound harsh, felt kind of nice. Good to know I'm dateable but still have standards (now have standards?) and won't take whatever comes my way. 
• Free meals/drinks. Now, before you get all huffy puffy on me, know this: I ALWAYS offer to split the bill. ALWAYS. Because I'm all feministy like that (or something). More often than not, they insist and I get free stuff. And if you ever want me to date, you need to accept that this is a benefit and I'll take as many positives I can get to counteract the negatives.
• Meeting People. Maybe it's because I'm outgoing. Or that I basically majored in meeting people in college, thanks to sorority recruitment. But I like meeting people. I think it's fun to learn about people and I like the challenge of figuring out what makes them tick (their "hot buttons," if you will). I specifically like meeting people of the male variety. So I don't mind a first date full of questions and answers. I could probably have a first date with a brick wall and think it's still fun.

Moral of the story: 

When I'm dating, I put some SERIOUS pressure on myself. And consequently, the guy I'm dating. I feel like I need to make decisions immediately and I hate the idea of wasting anyone's time, especially my own. So, over coffee this past weekend, I came up with a plan (with the help of my best friend who is the most patient person in the world). No boyfriends until after summer. Or, as the title suggests: No Relationship Labor til Labor Day. I can date, I can meet people, I can even meet one special person who I hang out with a lot more than any other people. But I cannot, under any circumstances, define anyone as my boyfriend (take that step in the relationship) until after the summer.

So you might be thinking, "what the hell does that do?" (or you may have stopped reading 1/3 of he way through this ridiculous novel - aren't you glad I'm back to posting?!) I think it takes the pressure off. I think this way - I can meet people, or I don't  have to. I can hang out with men or not. Either way - I'm relationship free until after summer.


*FYI: This entire post I've felt like Monica from friends... Or not, whatever. I'm breezy!

Hey remember that time I used to blog?

Those were good times, right?

It's not that I haven't been doing anything, I've been doing a lot of somethings. Nothing life changing necessarily. A lot of what I've already been doing so maybe I don't write about it because I think you'll be bored? Maybe I should just tell you what I've been doing with little to no background or context at all.

I've still been seeing live music. Local stuff. Cute men with guitars who live in the same city as I do. I love men with guitars.

I've been basically living at the Sandbar. A nice watering hole in Pewaukee, WI. Apparently it's all the rage during the summer months because it's literally ON the lake. But I seem to be quite fond of it in the winter. It plays all my favorite songs, the bartenders seem to forget how many drinks I've had when they run my tab and the bouncers are good looking men with muscles. It's on the way home and serves as a lovely happy hour spot and on Saturdays it features the above referenced local men with guitars.

I've been given a ride home in a van by one of the muscle-y bouncers. Thanks to Amy's mom and her ability to befriend ANY ONE.

I've been talking to men. Men who I'll eventually go on dates with. And while I wanted to throw up for a minute there, I seem to be getting over that.

I went to Nicole's fundraiser and fell in love with a salt and pepper haired man and didn't say a single word. Instead, at the convincing of EVERYONE there, I wrote my first (and only) missed connections post on Craigslist.

I've been listening to country music non-stop. Like can't get enough, create a hundred Spotify playlists and listen to it all day every day. Wagon Wheel, Cruise & Carolina still top the list. I listen to them at least once a day. (And by once a day I obviously mean 3-5 times.)

I've been buying concert tickets like someone is paying me to. Except they're not. I'm paying me to buy concert tickets? That's the bad news. The good news is that between now and July 6th I'll have seen Kenny Chesney, Eric Church, Thomas Rhett, Jason Aldean, Jake Owen, Love and Theft, Tim and McGraw. Just take a moment and let all those good looking men sink in for a minute. Woah. 

I'm running again, training for another half in May. Oh, and I bought new shoes that are super cute. And a neon green & purple zebra print sports bra that's the opposite of cute... if the opposite of cute is obnoxious. 

I've begun planning on a baby shower for one of my dearest friends Gina. I can't believe she's going to have a baby so soon.

I've begun planning on another dear friend Sukie's wedding events.

I've celebrated an engagement of yet ANOTHER dear friend Amy. This celebration included a LOT of whiskey. A little tequila. And ridiculous amounts of dancing. And maybe a filming of a Harlem Shake video. Maybe.

I've been busy. I've been having fun. I've just not written much about either of those things.

5 Wishes.

It's been a while...I don't have anything Earth shattering to report. But I do have a list of wishes for the weekend (mostly vain, #firstworldproblem kind of wishes) that I'd like to share/put out into the universe.

1. I'd love it if Ma Nature could just slow her roll for a second and ease up so the sidewalks can actually be CLEARED and I can safely run on them by Sunday without risk of slipping on hidden ice, falling on my ass and breaking something.

2. I'm going out tonight and I'd love it if my hair could curl the good way when it looks GREAT, not just the mediocre way where it looks alright but not great.

3. Related: while I'm at work, it would be great if my closet could get its act together and make a perfect outfit appear. Thanks in advance.

4. I'd like if the world could just ease up on a few of my friends going through some rough stuff. When it rains it pours, I know, but if it could just stop precipitation at all, that would be appreciated.

5. It would be AWESOME if I could get a little crazy tonight (as is the plan) and not wake up with a hangover tomorrow... I mean, as long as I'm wishing...

Bonus wish:

6. Well, I suppose if we're really just throwing out random wishes, I'd like if the Captain of the Admirals would go ahead and plan a date after the game on March 22nd that my family is attending. Probably sushi, since I know he likes it. (Thanks to Marty's supplemental research to my own. It's fair to say the guy has an impressive resume.)

As I was typing this wishlist my coworker just walked into the office with three bags of various McDonald's breakfast sandwiches and treats. So clearly this Friday's in my favor. Let's keep a good thing going Friday.

Lumineers

"It's better to feel pain, than nothing at all The opposite of love's indifference."

-Stubborn Love, The Lumineers

I know I talk a lot about my favorite music on here. I don't have an excuse or anything for it, just pointing it out because I'm about to do it again. When I'm running I have certain music I listen to - it either has to be a song that evokes enough emotion to distract me or have enough bass/fast enough beat to keep my feet moving one in front of the other. As I cool down from my run and make my way over to the mat area for stretching I usually turn on something else. Something calmer, quieter, more reflective. Last night I shuffled through some songs and then a Lumineers song came through my headphones.

Every now and then a song or an album will remind me of a VERY specific time. More often than not I can associate songs/artists/albums with a period in my life. Norah Jones? Forever reminds me of college. Strange connection, but she just popped up in a lot of events during that time period. But the Lumineers album and any song from it reminds me of one day. And really a portion of one day.

It was October 6th. I had just downloaded the entire album after listening to "Ho Hey" so many times it seemed inevitable. I remember laying in bed that morning listening to the preview of the other songs on iTunes and finally pulling the trigger for the whole thing. I had 7 miles to run according to my training schedule that day. The leaves were at the peak of fall colors and I wanted to go somewhere I could get lost in them. I headed out to one of my favorite routes in Wauwatosa through Hart Park. I started the album at track one and just started running. If you live under some kind of rock and haven't heard anything by the Lumineers they are pretty much up there with David Gray in being the perfect soundtrack for Fall. They sound like fall. I remember running through a particularly wooded area of the park, down Honey Creek Parkway, engulfed by trees that looked like they were on fire. I felt strong, my legs felt ready. The weather was perfect, slightly overcast. I got lost in the lyrics and the run just flew by.

Right as I went out on my last mile I stopped to take a picture of one of the trees. It wasn't the prettiest of the trees and it's not the most artistic picture I've ever snapped. But I remember thinking at the time, for some reason or another, I'd always remember this run and I'd always associate it with this album. And I wanted some kind of memento from it.

Why I love the song "Wagon Wheel."

Recently I was introduced to Hootie's (as in, "& the blowfish", apparently also known as "Darius Rucker") cover of the song "Wagon Wheel." Which remind me how much I enjoy the song in general. For the most part, these reasons apply to either version of the song, it doesn't matter who's singing it. Although, I am partial towards Hootie's version. When I got my very first CD playing Boombox from my dad, he gave me Hootie's freshman album to play in it. It was all part of a bribe to get me to quit threatening to glue myself to the carpet if they made me move to Atlanta. My brother got a rock tumbler. (I think I won that whole ordeal. Plus we didn't end up moving.) However, even if you prefer Old Crow Medicine Show's version, these reasons still apply.

1. I greatly enjoy any song where a man is asking to be rocked by a woman.

2. I find it incredibly endearing when a man uses the nickname "mama" for a woman he's digging. More so when the woman isn't ACTUALLY the mother of his children. Country singers tend to have a certain affinity for this nickname, so it doesn't surprise me I like it. Southern men just know how to charm.

3. Second favorite pet name? Baby. As in, "My baby plays the guitar..."

4. I've listened to it an embarrassingly high number of times in the last week and I still love it. It's living in the "turn it all the way up, sing incredibly loud and dance in my seat in the car" category. It's an exclusive group.

5. I'm sure there's psychological assessment to be made about this one, but I like when men with tendencies such as this guy (gypsy, bad boy, etc.) make the claim that their girl is "the only one".

6. Yeah, I like it when the occasional but subtle reference to weed shows up in a song you don't expect it. No one is surprise when Lil' Wayne says he lights a blunt (love you Wayne!) but you hear those references less when there's a banjo in the song. Unless Willie's singing in which case, light up because there's a whole lot of that coming.

So there, I love it. I am listening to it now. And again as soon as it's over.

Have and have nots.

I recently saw this quote on Pinterest, and I love it. Quite often when I start talking about wanting a relationship I immediately get hit with this twinge of guilt. I feel a little bit like Veruca Salt in Willy Wonka all, "But I want it NOW daddy." I'm spoiled beyond belief. The collection of people I have playing huge roles in my life is RIDICULOUS. I spend time with them and I am consistently blown away that I not only know this many awesome people, but that I'm blessed enough to call them friends. By Sunday night, after this past weekend, I was having a full on cheesy attack. I got all snuggled up in bed and just thought back on the last two days and was overwhelmed with how many of my friends I got to see - how much fun I had with so many great people.

My life is full of love, so is it really fair to be begging for even more? Some people ONLY have their spouse/significant other. When it comes to loving people in my life, my cup runs over. Thankfully, those same awesome people remind me it's not being a brat to want to have a significant other. One of my favorite responses to this conundrum I find myself in from time to time came from my dear friend (and recent addition to the cast of characters I call friends) Krissy. She told me if I wasn't meant to find a husband I never would have been given such a strong want inside to be a wife. God wouldn't have given me such a strong calling to be a wife & mom if he didn't intend on that being part of my story. Seems pretty damn right to me.

Then this morning I read Annie's post about being single.  And I loved it so much I could hardly stand it. It was one of my, "I think I wrote that" moments. (I've been having a lot of those lately.) She's right, there's SO very much I love about being single. So much so that sometimes when I think about not being single I straight up PANIC. (Sharing all the things in my house with someone. AHHHH. But what if I just want to go home and put on yoga pants and watch shitty TV?! I DON'T WANT TO BUY CRUNCHY PEANUT BUTTER.) So, while I'm here in Singleton, I continue to appreciate it. I enjoy doing what I want when I want. And there are a LOT of quality, lovely, beautiful (inside and out) women here in Singleton with me, and much like I told Annie - I'm flattered to be in such good company. And, online dating? Yikes. PREACH.

As long as I continue to appreciate what I have more than want for what I don't, I'll call it a win.